Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
Knock knock…who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? Ooooo gross! (now do you get the earlier one?)
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why did the stop light turn red??? You would too if you had to change in the middle if the street!
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.
What do you do with a dead chemist …. You Barium.
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? – Lipstick!
A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables…the bartender says, buddy, I’ll serve you as long as you don’t start anything.
Two cows are sitting in a field, and one says to the other, “so, how about that mad cow disease? Scary stuff, right?” To which to other replies, “terrifying. But what do I care? I’m a helicopter.”
How does Jesus make tea???? Hebrews it.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my Tractor?!”
Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for dealing? He was selling “quack”.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
How do you catch a unique rabbit? You ‘neek’ up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit? The ‘tame’ way.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!
*While waving your hands on either side of the other person’s head* “running through the woods, running through the woods, running through the woods. Close our eyes!” *smack person on forehead* “TREE! Never close your eyes when you’re running through the woods!”